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Before we go any further, this is
SATIRE*. This is PARODY*. This
is SPOOFING*. These things are fully protected under
American copyright law, with the benefit of Supreme Court decisions. That
being said...
I saw the first Star Trek
remake movie (the J.J. Abrams disaster),
and I was depressed. As a long-time, die-hard Trekkie, I hated it. I
won't belabor why here; either you agree with me or you don't. If you
disagree, then this is not the anthology for you.
Paramount Pictures, in its endless quest
for piles of money, have finally completed the utter destruction of
Star Trek, a process at which I feel Rick Berman and Brannon Braga had
already worked very hard for several years to achieve anyhow. As any
Trekkie with writing skills, my ego tells me I could have done a better
job than Berman, Braga, and Abrams. My sixth sense tells me that
talented Trekkies all over the world could do better writing
SATIRES*
and PARODIES* and
SPOOFS*. So, I want to give them the chance.
This is the longest-open anthology I've
ever done. I've had it open for years, and have only accepted about a
half-dozen stories. I need more to publish. But if I'm going to do my part
to destroy Star Trek, then I aim to destroy it the right way.
Originally, I was going to do several:
one for TOS, one for TNG, and so on, including one with crossovers with
other moves and TV shows. I couldn't get enough for any one of them, so
merged the project into just one.
What I Want
I want
SATIRE* and
PARODY*
and SPOOFING*.
Write these like the literary equivalents of the spoofs you
see in MAD Magazine, or what you used to see in CRACKED (before it died and
was reborn as a pile of online crap, sadly). You must include spoofs of
Star Trek in some form (TOS, TNG, DS9, VOY, ENT, movies, etc.).
To this end, you have to spoof things
and keep me from getting sued. Rename the characters: Captain Kork, Mister
Sprock, Chief Engineer Montgomery Ward, Helmsman Solo. Captain John-Luke
Pickaxe, Commander Raker, Counselor Menage-a-Troi, the android Info. You
get the idea. It's the Enterprize, and fazer guns, and zapton torpedoes.
Whatever you want to do, do it. I absolutely encourage a few things:
SATIRE* and
PARODY*
and SPOOFING*.
These cannot
be fan-fiction Trek stories, or Paramount will sue me blind.
Paramount probably will sue me blind anyway, but that's okay.
Humor. Make it funny! Poke fun at
all things Trek, including the way this cultural icon has been
whored out, beaten nearly to death, and changed to the point
that the loyal fans who made its success a reality are completely ignored
(because we don't matter, right?). You can even be outlandish and ignore
Trek canon. After all, Abrams has done it successfully for two films.
Stories. Yep, even amidst
humorous SATIRE* and laughable
PARODY* and gut-busting
SPOOFS*,
I still want real stories that meet my
five requirements.
Crossovers.
You're welcome to do crossovers with other TV shows and movies. Land the Enterprize in a galaxy,
far, far away, with Luck Skyskipper and Duchess Lay-me, and let the Volcanian
Mr. Schlock mind-mix with the Forceful. Maybe the Boobyprize goes back in time and gets
tangled up with Pong... James Pong, Double-Oh-Negative, who likes it
stirred, not shaken. Or maybe the SG-01 team goes through the StarPortal to
a reflection universe where Mr. Splott has a goatee. And what about the Exitprize trying to save a world... and they're assisted by Superduperman?
In fact, this idea was inspired by a
book from the 1980s called The Doctor and the Enterprise, a book
where Doctor Who's TARDIS lands on the Enterprise. The characters were
ambiguous (The Captain, The Science Officer, The Physician... along with
The Doctor), but we all knew what it was. And it was funny! If you can
find a copy on Amazon or eBay, I highly recommend it.
Whatever TV show/movie you cross this
over with, you'll stand a better chance of selling it if it's a show/movie
I'm familiar with, so before writing, if you want to know my thoughts,
drop me a line.
NOTE:
I absolutely reserve the right to change
any names, terminology, etc., to avoid getting me sued, but of course I'll
work with you on that.
What I Don't Want
I DO NOT WANT FAN FICTION!
Don't send me any of this. Everybody has
been. I
don't care if you think you've written the best Star Trek short
story ever written. If it isn't a SATIRE*
or a PARODY* or a
SPOOF*, don't even think of sending it.
Copyright is a very
serious matter. I'm not a pirate (Orion or otherwise) and never will be. And I won't
give the time of day to people who submit fan fiction and expect me to
publish it. Send it to whoever is licensed to publish Star Trek
fiction.
This has been a HUGE problem.
Most of the subs I've gotten are either fan fiction or otherwise badly
written stories in general. Well, most of the fan fiction is badly written
anyway.
Length
Stories from 3,000 to 12,000
words; however, I am unlikely to accept long stories unless they are very,
very good. Long stories mean multiple shorter stories won't make the cut.
So, make sure the longer it is, the better it is. Ideally, I'd like to see
stories in the 3,000-7,000-word range.
Deadline
As always, until filled. I
am very picky and slow to fill, which you'd know if you read my
five requirements.
How
to Submit
Observing everything under
my five requirements, submit to
editor@epicsagapub.com.
*
Wonder why I'm capitalizing, boldfacing, and red-coloring the words
SATIRE, PARODY, and
SPOOF? Because yes, Paramount
will almost certainly throw its legal weight around with
cease-and-desist letters, and maybe drag me into court and try to get any
money I make on this. The fact is, SATIRE
and PARODY and
SPOOFING is protected under the
law. I just want to be perfectly clear to
all who submit what I'm looking for. I also want to be able to show
Paramount that this was all I ever asked for. They won't care, but I'll be
able to give them a metaphorical legal raspberry if they start
huffing and puffing and threatening to blow my house in.
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